Stuff Environmentalists Like

Christian Lander, co-creator of the semi-controversial website (and later novel), Stuff White People Like, has written a similar guide for the December issue of Plenty magazine: Stuff Environmentalists Like. I think it's pretty great because I understand and share Christian's sense of humor. Not everyone does though (visible in comments on his posts). Anywho, if you consider yourself to be an environmentalist of sorts and feel like having a laugh at your own expense, think about picking it up at your local newsstand or reading weekly installments as they are posted to Plenty's website. Here is an excerpt:

Step One: Bringing Numerous Talking Points to Dinner

If an environmentalist invites you over for dinner, do not assume that your host’s primary purpose is to serve you a meal. The goal is education.

You cannot assume your host is vegan or vegetarian either. Doing so could lead to a number of social faux pas that are on par with or worse than calling them a Republican. While many environmentalists are vegan or vegetarian, others can talk for hours about how it is possible to eat meat and still be green. Their requirement of course is that the animal is raised on a small farm and allowed to run around and eat grass. If you are hoping to impress a host in the latter camp, tell a story about how you are raising a few chickens in your backyard. For extra points, use the following terms: free-range, factory farm, and antibiotics.

If conversation starts to lull, it’s always a good idea to bring up a paradox that engages the entire table. The most pressing question of our generation is: local or organic? This subject is sure to create a lively distraction while you grab whatever delicious food remains, leaving only the tempeh and brown rice for the other guests.

And from the second installment, called Brainwashing Children:

This process begins with natural childbirth and quickly moves to a restricted diet entirely free of processed sugar, bleached flour, and all other food items typically enjoyed by children. The ultimate plan is to force kids to acquire a taste for organic broccoli, whole grains, and tofu before their young minds can yearn for a Happy Meal.